It’s a hot weekend day and I’m just sitting around, there is nothing on t.v and I have nothing to write about and I’m just sipping on a beer. The sun from the outside has started to burn my eyes so I get up off the sofa and walk over to the window and close the curtains to stop the blazing sun from shining into the living room. I finish off the last drips of my beer which has now turned into a flat warm unsettling drink, I so I go into the kitchen in search of Jack Daniels and food. I open the window to let in some air when I hear the next door neighbours chatting and talking. They are having a BBQ, the smell of burning charcoal and the sound of frying burgers comes through the window. I can hear kids running around the garden, playing football and tag as the sun starts to set. I ignore them and I rumble through the fridge for the ice and some food and then I hear a lady say to her friend “I love that bloody chubby brown, I’ve seen him twice in Brighton last summer”. Her friend laughs and says “I love him too, I love that little black doll that he has”
“The golly wog?”
“Yeah that thing, makes me wet myself”.
One of the children, a boy shouts “FUCK OFF” to one his friends and a loud voice from a lady shouts back to him “Oi, don’t you bloody say that word, I’ll smack your arse if you say that again, now you get over here now and sit down here, you’ve had enough play time for now”.
I hear the boy crying as the sounds of stubborn and heavy footsteps make its way closer to the lady as she carries on with her conversation with her friend “I love Jim Davidson as well, especially when he makes those funny Irish jokes, even my little lad likes him and Chubbs, I wish they would be on telly more, but they can’t say a bloody word on telly now without someone moaning about them. I remember seeing Bernard Manning on telly and he was piss funny and now we have idiots like Ricky Gervais on the box, I can’t be bothered with those idiots”.
That’s when a man came out into their garden, a man with a really loud voice and he said to the ladies “do we really want to go back to a time when someone could say hateful things about people or stay in a time when someone can say the word fuck and shit happily on telly. I don’t think if I hear the word fuck 12 times in a row my life is going to change for the worse. But maybe a 7 year old might change his opinion on things if he hears Paki jokes 12 times in a pissin’ row”.
“Yeah but I don’t want my son to start saying the f word all the bloody time around the house” says one of the ladies “he’ll start using it at school than”.
“Well I don’t want my son and daughter to start learning words like paki and pikey and go running around the play ground shouting it because they think it’s bloody funny”.
“Get over it Joe”
“But Chubbs still makes dvd’s every year and people can get kicked off the t.v if they say shit on a day time telly show at 11:35 in the morning because some 7 year old has just fainted with shock because they heard the word shit on telly. When I hear the word fuck I just think of a child collapsing at the sight of Freddie Kruger popping up during Nightmare on elm street. is the word Fuck really all that powerful and strong for day time telly?”
“I’m not arguing with you about the bloody thing, it don’t matter”
“Well, fuck off then.. Oh sorry I don’t want to offend you”
“Bugger off Joe, go watch your green party political broadcast”.
I hear the door slam shut and the two ladies carry on talking and the conversation changes as I started to put ice in my glass, it changed to one of the lady’s buying a new microwave from curry’s.
I finish pouring my glass of Jack Daniels and I take my drink into the living room and i slump into the chair and I put Frankie Boyle on and I start thinking about an old lady I walked by on the way to the shops the other day. I tripped over the curb as she walked by me and I used the word fuck really loudly as I stumbled and got my balance and she stops me and says “You can’t say that word, you would never hear that word back in my day sonshine”.
“I’m sorry” I said and I walk away leaving her with her shopping on the floor. Then two lads walk by the old lady as she picks her shopping up and one of them says “I’m voting UKIP, they will get rid of these Pakis” and the old lady smiled at them and nodded as they walked on by and she walked off with her shopping.
I turn the channel and I decide to watch something else and old school comic Jim Bowen is on BBC Four talking about classic comics from the 70’s. “I remember there was a time when you could just say anything on the telly, anything, and nobody would say a thing. So many great comics have been destroyed because of censorship, their careers ruined and thrown into a bloody bin all because some people got upset at something they said. Now it’s just F word this and B word that, there is no intelligence and I should be stopped. It was so much better when innuendo was used it made people think. Nobody thinks when you just have profanity all over the shows that are produced today”.
I watch till the end of the show and I get up and walk away from the t.v and into the kitchen. I go to close the window and the BBQ from next door has finished, it’s just the smell of smoke and burnt food that lingers in the air now and there is calm that is around. The argument from earlier seems to be over, no sounds from next door, just silence.
I go upto bed with a fresh glass of Jack Daniels and a cheese and ham sandwich and I put the t.v on. I scan the channels for something to watch. I scan and I scan and I land on more4 and Gordon Ramsay is on, “What a fucking mess!!” he says “who makes this fucking shit, what a fucking joke” and I move along and I land on Dave and I start watching Frankie Boyle again. He starts to tell a story about a joke he made. “Hello ministry of war, department of nigger bombing how can I help?” was the joke he made, and he was making a point about somethings, about something important and that’s when a guy came upto him after the show and says “you can’t use the word nigger in any context”
“You just used it” says Frankie.
I turn the telly over one more time in search of Ramsay but he’s now finished and a documentary about dolphins has just started so I look else where but If I can’t find anything I’ll just fall sleep. It turn on channel 4 and a programme is about to start and the announcer says “this programme contains nudity, images and language that may offend and the views and beliefs expressed in this programme may upset viewers” so I just turn the t.v off and the light and I fall sleep.