Pink Dress 3.

I searched all around the interwebs for
her, everywhere I could search I looked,
she said she wanted to see me again and
I want to see her again, the girl in the
pink dress.

Then I see it, or her in a picture right in
front of me, it was hidden under my nose
the whole time and I didn’t even notice,
but there she is the girl in a pink dress
in a black dress in a picture on a social
media site.

With Jake Bugg singing about love and
romance in the background I click on
her name at the side of the page.
Click and moments later I see that
she’s accepted just as Jake Bugg starts
singing about lightning bolts.

But do I have the nuts to message the
girl in the pink dress? Would she even
care enough to reply if I said hello, would
she really remember.

Think, think, think.
Forget the sun shining on your hungover
face and message the girl.
That’s what I tell my self.
Think, think, think… Just do it.
Don’t let the car honking his horn distract
You, don’t let that screaming girl
Stop you from doing this.

But I’ll wait instead, I’ll sit and see what
happens, I’ll let a week of work go by or I
might even just wait to see if she’s in that
dump of a nightclub again a new colour of

Then a light appears at the top of the blue
screen, that all so inspiring red glow with the
number 1 on it, I click it and it’s her with a

“Hello, It’s really nice to have met you…”


Pokémon Go!

It’s turned into the hottest day of the year, that’s what all the weather reports are saying anyway. The sun is blazing hot and hovering over me like a vacuum, it’s heat pulling me in. I’m walking down the street with my phone in my hand searching for music and that’s when a group of about 6 lads all wearing white vests, shorts (one blue, one green, one black, one green, one white and one yellow) and baseball caps, all white caps, come running up to me. “Hey” The one in the blue shorts says carrying his phone in his hand “have you found a Weedle?”
“What the hell is a Weedle? I’m looking for music on my phone”
“So you’re not playing Pokémon Go?
“No, I’m looking for music”.
The lad in the yellow shorts ask “Have you even heard of Pokémon?”
“I’m 26, I’ve heard of Pokémon”.
Out of nowhere the one in the green shorts shouts “shit, I’ve found a Koffing, all we need to do is run down that street and into the Sainsbury’s”.
And they take off and the one in the blue shorts says “you can help us find it”. So I join them in the hunt for the Pokémon. We run down the street dodging people with shopping bags, ladies with prams and old men with dogs and we run into the Sainsbury’s in search of this thing called a Koffing.
The kid in the black shorts yells “I think it’s over there, in the fruit and veg aisle”. So we run down to the fruit and veg aisle, running past cooked meat and frozen foods in search of the Pokémon.
When we get there we can’t find anything, no one is picking up anything on their phones and I’m standing with them thinking what the hell am I doing?. The one in the green shorts finally spots something “It’s over there” he shouts and we go running over to the fresh fish counter and they all look and it’s there, the Koffing, this little purple fat floating alien like creature. The one in the yellow shorts say’s “I’ve already got one of them so you can have it Jake. Jake turns out to be the one in the black shorts. So he stands near the cod and fires a little red and white ball and captures and they all cheer.We start to leave Sainsbury’s but before we do I look around at the store and see about 12 people all eyes glued to their phones, all playing the same game.
Jake says thank you for helping (even though I did nothing of the sort) and the rainbow Pokémon kidnapers leave the shop and leave me alone in the shop looking around at all the other players.

I stay in the shop and look for my own prize, a couple of beers. I walk over to the alcohol sections and grab a pack for Carling’s and walk over to the counter and stand behind a man my age playing on his phone and he’s playing Pokémon go… A guy my age playing the game.
I get my beer and I leave, walking closely to the guy and I spot that he’s caught a Pidgey, this bird thing.
I walk away from the guy and make my home. I pull out my phone and start searching for music again and I can’t find a thing. I start getting updates saying I need to update my Simpsons tapped out game, a game I haven’t played for over 2 years and I don’t think anybody else has. So I think it’s time I delete it.
That’s when someone taps me on my shoulder and it’s the man from Sainsbury’s and he says “are you playing Pokémon go..?”.
“No, no I’m not” and I just walk away from him and I decide to just put my phone in my pocket and Ignore the vibrations the phone makes and I just walk towards a record shop in search of music. And that’s when I see it, on a sign near the record shop. “Pokémon Go meet up here at 7:00pm”. And I notice two lads walking along a wall with their phones in their hands one them shouting “It’s over there, I think it’s over there” and they both towards the sign and they stand and look up and high five each other and they start to wait. It’s 4:30pm. They just stand under the sign and wait as I walk into the record shop. When I leave a notice the shop 15 minutes  with nothing in my hands but the beers that I bought early , I notice that the meet up place for game as garnered a large crowd, around 30 people have joined the two lads creating what looks like a mass protest movement against fast food. They are all dressed like Occupy wall street activists, but they’re not protesting, they are searching for a Pokémon and not for a better social system. I walk over to the crowd and make my way through and hear that an argument has started. A Pokémon has been spotted and the crowd of 30 are now in a full fledged battle to capture it. One kid wearing a Pokémon t-shit turns to his friend and says “I’m not fucking leaving until I find it”. Someone at the edge of the crowd shouts “I’ve found the bastard it’s over there, it’s near the maccies”. And that’s when the crowd rush and run over to a bus stop near a McDonalds. They surround the entrance to it as people try to leave in fear of the large crowd. People trying to enter change their minds and walk away in confusion. I decide to leave the gang of people to it and I start to walk away. Walking past a homeless man looking on the floor for something and then I hear a massive round of boos coming from near the McDonalds and I give the homeless man £5 and I make my way home.

Pink Dress 2

Standing at the bar in a dump of a club and I feel
tap on the shoulder. tap, tap, tap like the drip
from the sink tap.

I ignore the tapping and continue staring forward,
waiting to be served.

After some time the tapping ends, my Ignorance
of the never ending tapping Has worked but wait I
now feel a hand stroking my back, up and down,
softly and gently so i turn around and it’s her, the
girl in the pink dress now in a black dress.

I laugh at the sight of her, she’s just how I remembered,
she still has the curves, she still has the boobs
and I didn’t have drunk eyes after all.

And she remembers me and says she wants to stay
with me tonight, walk around me and hold my hand

So we do, we dance, we chat and we dance some
More And we buy drink after drink, this girl can
drink like a champion and this time in my drunken
haze I maze the move on her, I plant a wet one across
her mouth this time.

Somewhere in my head I think she will pull away
but she doesn’t, and it lasts even longer than the last
time, I hear fighting all around me people shouting
and swearing at other but we don’t stop, we just let
the world go by.

But the night had to come too an end, it was now
home time, she finds herself a cab and she climbs
inside she turns around blows me a kiss and releases
a smile and says I’ll see you again, and I say you
will see me again and she drives off in her black cab
and looks out of the back of window smiling as makes
her way in the dark of night.

The best thing of all is I now remember her name,
but I do have a thought in my head, if I see
her again, if I find her and take her out I
really hope she doesn’t mind me writing about

Small tale of cigarettes and fishbowls.

It’s the middle of summer and we turn up to the Y theatre to see The Curve, one of Leicester’s top bands play a headline set. We made friends with them after a gig a couple of months back and they have invited us to join them backstage to “party”. When we played with them the last time the scene two hours after the gig is something Keith Richards could be proud of, there blonde’s walking around and smells of all herbs flowing through the smoking area.
The great us at the door and show us to the backstage area. When we get to the back the scene is just as famous as the one before. Pills, powders and poppers lay wasted across chairs and lay on top of tables. Mark, the bands lead singer hands us (me, Liam, Jay and our bands manager Dave) glasses of straight triple vodkas and goes onto present a bag of white powder and says “want some?”
“Not yet dude, a bit later maybe, lets get watching some bands first” I say.
“Ok lads, we are on after the next band is on”.
We all down our drinks and head towards the stage where a band is finishing up their set. We stand at the foot of the stage as The Curve start to put their gear on the stage and Mark leans over to me and says “if you want any drugs to ask our manager Chris and he will sort you out”
“Maybe later dude, lets have some drinks and watch you lads play first then we might do later”.
Mark then calls over his manager and gets him to give some more drinks, it’s the same again, straight triple vodkas and this time a beer, just to wash the vodka down with.
After 20 minutes of setting up their gear and a quick line check they start to play and almost immediately you can tell substances have taken part in their day. Song after song is out of time. They speed up or they slow down, the drummer Trey speeds up and slows down, he’s trying to keep up with the bassist who I don’t know the name of and the bassist is trying to keep up with Mark who’s dazed out in the crowd and the nameless guitarist is trying to keep up with Trey. Song after song is the same but they look like a rock and roll band and they are putting so much energy into what is a chemically fuelled performance.
They finish the set to a huge round of applause and cheers from a packed house and they wave us into the back. So we make our way and Mark comes running up to us covered in sweat and says “How was we?”
“You were ok” our manager says
“Good” and Mark and the rest of the band run off into their dressing room and telling us to join them. But at this point it’s time for us to go, we all want to hit the bars around the town centre and see where the night takes us. Liam walks into the room to see mark snorting white powder off of a chair and tells him we are leaving and that we will party another night. Liam comes walking up to me and says “shits getting wild in that room right now and I just want to get pissed so lets go, they are fucked and I want to be fucked so lets go to the nearest pub”.
Just before we leave Mark comes running over to us, his eyes glazed and still covered in sweat, his leather jacket hanging off by one arm and his white vest torn right down the middle. He says to us “You can’t go, we haven’t partied yet”
“We are going to party right now mate, we are gonna hit some bars, if you want come and join us later” says Jay
“Ok, I’ll gather the band together and meet you somewhere soonish, where are going”
“Probably the Firebug”
“See you there lads”.
Mark goes running back into the backstage area as we the leave venue and start making our way to the Firebug, all of us now starting to feel the vodka that’s now flowing through us like a wave.
On the way to the Firebug Liam spots a pub and says “lets go in there for a couple, it won’t take long”. When we go through the doors the place is empty and Wonderwall is playing on in the background. We go to the bar and we all order cocktails, those big great fishbowl cocktails with all colours of the rainbow floating around it and ice peeping over the top. All of us head towards the DJ with our bowls and start trying to dance and make complete arses of ourselves and we down the bowls while Blur finish up playing and we then go grab some more. None of us know what’s in them, we just know that they taste good and we down them again and then we all get another two and do the same thing. Liam says “I think it’s time I better be going, I’m too fucked now, I’ve drank too much goldfish water and I need to go”. So Liam leaves and me, Jay and Dave have a shot of Jack Daniels for the road and then leave for the firebug.
We get there, we hand the bouncers our id, he lets us in and we walk through the doors to a room full of people. Mark is on his own at the bar with two girls and he spots us and calls us over and gets us triple vodkas again. We all down them quick and he orders us the same again. “Lets go outside I need a cig” says jay so we all walk outside and Mark leaves the girls at the bar “I don’t even know them” he says.
We stand outside talking and sipping our triple vodka’s and Mark offers me a cigarette and I tell him I’m not hungry. He looks at me with a drunken confused look like I’ve just tried to tell him the meaning of life backwards “You’re not hungry?”
“No, I’m not hungry”.
He just looks at me and stares right through my soul “It’s just his party trick” says Jay
“Party trick?”
“Yeah, I have this thing where I will just eat a lit cigarette for no reason at all, I would do it now but like I said I’m not hungry”.
Dave shouts “Bloody do it, just bloody do it he wants to see you do it”
“Ok, I’ll bloody do it loud mouth”.
Mark then gives me a cig and I light it and smoke it half way and then put it in my mouth. I chew and chew and it burns and burns but I make it through to the end I swallow it and I still out my tongue to show everyone and they give me a big cheer.
“Do it again” says Jay.
“I can’t do it again, it’s already burnt my mouth”.
Then he gives me his and I do it again, chewing and chewing and it burns like crazy but I make it through to the end again but I wash it down with the vodka, just to help it reach my the lower ends of my stomach and to give my mouth a little booze to kill off any infection.
After spending two hours in the pub and 6 triple vodka’s we decide to leave and go home. Walking towards the McDonald’s I start to feel that’s somethings not right in my stomach and I know it’s that feeling, everything is about to come up like a volcano. I turn to Jay “I’m gonna be fucking sick”. He grabs me by the arm and pulls me towards a bush and then it happens, everything comes up. Vodka and the rainbow fishbowls all decide to make show again. For the next 30 minutes I hunch over a bush throwing up everything I can from the lower ends of my stomach and at one point a group of about 8 lads stand behind me dancing and doing a conga line and singing football songs as I water the bush with my sick. And then Jay grabs me under the arms and that’s when everything goes blank.
I wake up the next morning in Dave’s flat on his sofa and bowl on the floor. Jay slept next to me and I wake him up and say “What the hell happened last night after I was sick? I can’t remember anything after the conga ended”.
“Well we picked you up and took you back here, we put you on the bus where you fell asleep and when we got off you threw up again next to a bin for another 15 minutes and then like a zombie you stood up straight and started to walk and we had to run after you. Then for some reason you started to sing Love Me Do by The Beatles and then you fell over a curb as you tried to cross the road”.
“Oh, ok”.
“Then when we got you back here you collapsed on to the sofa and passed out so I just got you bucket and a pint of water just in case you woke up being sick again”.
“So all in all it ended up being a bloody good night out than. Just wish my tongue didn’t hurt”.

Just a little dinner party.

We turn up around 3pm at Andy’s flat for his dinner party, I’m carrying a large crate of booze and a bottle of wine. I knock on the door to find Andy in a comedy style apron, It’s got the picture of a muscular body and it’s something Andy doesn’t have. We walk through his front door to find around 10 people sitting around on the floor starving and already drunk and talking, foo fighters play low in the back ground as they sit around in a circle like school children waiting for the teach to walk in. We take a seat on the sofa near doors that lead on to a small balcony. I only know two of the people sitting on the floor and I say hello to them and introduce them to my girlfriend and then we both listen in to the conversation taking place. A guy sitting to my right introduced himself “I’m Steve”
“I’m Steve too”
“Well at least we have something in common”
Steve then starts to continue a conversation about music he says to the group on the floor “One direction can do what they want and anybody who doesn’t like them don’t have to listen to them. A girl at the back shouts up “I bloody love one direction” Andy from the kitchen then shouts in “Get out of my flat now Kate” and she replies “Of, fuck off Andy and cook your spuds”.
Steve looks up at me and says “lets go to the balcony so I can have a smoke before it gets heated in here, I can be bothered to argue about One direction”. I turn to my girlfriend and say “ill be back in a minute, this guy wants to make friends” so I get up and walk through the balcony doors and stand looking over the car park as Steve lights his cigarette. Steve turns to me and says “do you like music?”
“Well I’m in a band so I have to”
“Any favourite types of music?”
“I love the Beatles and hell of a lot of folk music”
“That’s interesting”
“I don’t really mind what type of music, I’ll listen to anything”
“But not Justin Bieber though?”
“No, that’s not my thing, I don’t care for him, but I’m not going to stand around attacking him, he can do whatever the hell he wants to do”.
“I’ve always thought the same thing”.
Steve finishes his cigarette and we head back inside and sit back down. The conversation has now changed to Rhianna. Kate has now started a major rant about how Rhianna is ruining music. “YOU KNOW SHE CAN’T SING AND SHES BORING LIVE AND I WISH PEOPLE WOULD LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC AND REAL ARTISTS” she says and then turns to her friends Billy and he just looks at her and says “you’ve drank too much”
“No I haven’t, I haven’t had enough”.
Steve then buts in and says to Kate “How can you say what good music is and what’s real music and who real artists are? The way people feel about Rhianna, Justin Bieber and One Direction feel the same way you do about the bands and singers you like. And in turn they for some reason have same hatred you do for the artists you love. Can’t you just enjoy it and let singers and bands do what ever the fuck they want and make the music the way they want to.”
“But Steve they suck”
“So does everything Kate”.
Andy calls me and my girlfriend over, so we walk over to him and he hands us our drinks and says “Are they still arguing in there?”
“Yeah they are”.
My girlfriend says “I actually like One Direction and Justin Bieber”.
Me and Andy laugh and then Andy says to us “You know while I’ve been making this roast dinner I’ve been thinking that Justin Bieber might be the new Elvis. Who pissed off people in the 50’s more than Elvis. Justin Bieber goes around dancing and shaking all over and all the girls faint and all the smart people sneer at it just like they did with Elvis. Elvis stood up and stage and made girls burst with screams and would faint before him and he was called the devil and now Justin Bieber is the same. In 50 years time the way smart music fans who love Elvis and The Beatles now will see Justin Bieber and One Direction the same and none of us will ever understand why and that’s ok”.
“It’s a good thing”
“It’s a great thing Steve, any musician or singer that pisses off smart music fans just shows you how institutionalized music fans and even movie fans can be”.
“I don’t like Justin Bieber though”
“Neither do I, I think he’s dog shit but if I was the age I am now and It was 1956 and chuck berry came on id probably say the same thing about him and say where the fuck is Frank Sinatra, he’s a real singer”.
We make our way back into the living to find the argument still going on, this time the arguments attention has turned towards the X Factor and then Andy from the other room shouts “DINNER IS NEARLY READY SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ARGUING ABOUT MUSIC AND X FACTOR AND WHOS BETTER, ALL I CARE FOR RIGHT NOW IS IF ANYONE OF YOU SHITES LIKE MY ROAST SPUDS”.

Pink Dress. 1.

Standing outside the nightclub at
5 in the morning, ears ringing from
the crappy music that played inside.

Surrounded by loud people, smoking,
laughing and talking about football
when a girl in a pink dress with dark
hair and big boobs and curvy thighs
walks up to me and lays a fat kiss
across my lips.

And I just go with it, why the fuck
not I thought, why the fuck not, as
she breaks my mouth and tongue

After a minute she stops, grabs my
hand and say lets follow your mates
and (taking off her pink shoes before we walk)
we make our way to the takeaway.

We stand outside this crappy old kebab
joint for more than five minutes, stroking
and mouth wrestling with each other.

My friends walk out the door and
I bid her farewell, she lays one more
on me and walks away blowing
me a kiss as she leaves.

I’ve been stroked in all places, I’m
giddy and happy and I will most
likely never see her again.
No name.
No number.
Just a girl in a pink dress and
really sore mouth.

Sunstroke and seagulls…

It’s the height of the summer and me and my girlfriend walk along the high street in the center of the seaside town of Lowestoft as the sun shines on down and surrounded by seagulls the size of fruit bats and screeching like cats falling off a bridge. We walk by shops of all kinds, clothes shops, toy shops and gadget shops. Bike shops, electronic shops and phone shops and pound shops. We walk part 3 clothes shops in a row and see signs saying “closing down sale, 25% off of everything in store”. All down the high street shops every where saying closing down sale, new owners soon even the MacDonald’s on the corner is closing down at the end of the month.
We walk into one shop, a sweet and American candy shop nearer to the sea front and over hear an older couple talking to the cashier. The cashier tells them that six shops around here will be closing in the next two months.
I turn to Sarah my girlfriend “Pick those up, those weird looking frog things, the red ones”
“These ones”
“Yeah, those”
We walk up to the till and pay for the little red frogs and before we leave the little old ladies stop and one of them with big grey hair and big long red dress and tanned skin says “you live here or you on holiday”
“We are on holiday” says my girlfriend”
“Sorry all the shops are closing, that’s why we voted for those UKIP people, they will keep them open”
“Well thank you”
And we both left as quickly as we can and headed towards the arcades before we get a lecture about right wing politics.
We walk through the blazing sun dodging all the fruit bats flying above us looking for food and we go into the arcade on the south pier. I walk through the doors and the ever familiar sound of arcade games hit me and memories fill my head. The 2p machine on the left and the crane game on the right. The funny sounds and noises that don’t make sense and the weird names like surfer push and panic pull. And everywhere I look I see Minions, this little yellow blob thing with a smiley face with a different costume on. Soldier, Baby, Rock Star some even carry bananas. When I was young it was just dogs and cats and the odd Homer Simpson now it’s these little yellow creatures and still the odd dog and cat here and there.
We walk towards the crane machine near the back of the arcade passing by all the bike games and shoot em up games, this one has teddy bears in with £5 notes attached to it’s chest. I start, it’ £1 ago and you get five goes at it. I try and try and nothing, it pick it up and drops it like a damp sock back onto the cotton top that is lays on and the stupid music of plays over it. Patronizing you through song.
£10 in and I’m still trying, my girlfriend has given up watching me and has walked off towards a bingo game but I stick at it and put another £5 into the machine and still nothing. £15 and I’ve not achieved anything. The bear just lays at the bottom on the cotton top and the crane hangs above swinging like it just don’t care and the patronizing music plays on as I walk away with a glum face. I just feel like punching the thing.
As I’m walking away my girlfriend comes over and I tell her I tried to win a teddy but I didn’t work, so she gives it ago. She puts £1 in like me and on her third try she picks it up and drops into the hole and she’s won. On £1. I shift through my pocket and find £5 where there was once £20 and she runs off with a teddy and £5 winnings and out of the arcade and I follow with disappointment.
We leave the arcade and head towards the beach picking up five doughnuts and the traditional seaside rock and we hang about the beach for a while. The beach is covered in rocks and stones and going bear foot the hot stones as the sun blazes on down over them would be like walking over a volcano.
The sun becomes too much and we run for the bus while finishing off our doughnuts and dodging the screeching bastard birds over head looking to snatch one of them out of our hand.
We make it back to the caravan and I had for the sink and splash cold water over my face and then I go and lay down on the bed and drift off into a deep sleep for a few hours and recover from the walking, birds, shops and arcade disappointment.
When I wake up I’m soaked with sweat, my mouth feels like a dried up leaf and my head like it is being pounded by irons rods. I keep going cold as well but I’m dripping with sweat. I run to the living room and ask my girlfriend for some tablets because I think I’m going to die right now. “Shall we go to the zoo in abit?” She says “the zoo, I feel like I’m dying here”
“You’re probably getting a cold”
“It don’t feel like any cold I’ve ever had before”.
I check online to see if I’m coming down with a cold or flu, it just doesn’t feel like any of them so I have to make sure. I put in the symptoms. I’m covered in sweat, I keep having hot moments and colds and my mouth is dry. The first thing that comes up is sunstroke and I know about this, it can kill you. So I tell my girlfriend I think I have sunstroke and I pour myself a cold drink and jump in the shower and turn to the tap to cold and the water hits my like a thousand knives and I feel like I’m going to collapse but I fight through it.
When I leave he shower my girlfriend looks at my back “You know, your whole neck is red”
“that’s probably why I have sunstroke”
She feels my neck “It’s so bloody hot.. You sure you don’t want to go to zoo?”
“Are there any meerkat’s?”
“Maybe tomorrow, I’m gonna go for a lie down my head is going to fall off”
I walk into the bedroom and collapse onto the bed and drift back into a deep sleep as my skin pours with sweat.

Don't believe everything you read