It’s a Saturday night and it’s the second day of the annual 90’s reloaded weekend at the Butlin’s holiday resort in Skegness and 4 of us have just finished getting into our power rangers costume’s, red, blue, green and me in black and 2 of us ready to go as banana’s in pajamas and now we are all ready to head out into the main arena to watch the 90’s girl group B ‘Witched take the stage. All that’s missing from this weekend is a set from Steps and an autograph singing from S Club 7.
We have already consumed an unholy concoction of alcohol 40 cans of larger, 30 cans of Strongbow, 20 cans of Stout, 6 bottles of Sourz, 1 bottle of Russian standard vodka, 1 bottle 1 of Jack Daniels, a bottle of rum, a bottle of cheap prosecco, one can woodpecker cider and a packet of cheap Tesco Paracetamol. And it’s only day two.
The holiday has taken a turn for the worst tonight, two of us have already vomited, the toilet seat has been broken and the shot glasses have been shot up by a BB gun after it turned violent during a game of tipsy tower. Butlin’s has not seen mayhem like this since the summer of 76’.
After calming down, dropping the guns and getting a grip of ourselves we pull up our costume’s, pull up over our power ranger masks and put on the banana hats and head out towards the main dome to watch B ‘Witched tear the house down.
We walk amongst the caravans and see that they are full of 20 something booze hounds partying into the early hours with many of them not even venturing back to their own caravan after the bars are close inside heading back to some unknown strangers caravan after they picked them up in one the bars dressed in a costume that they can only get away with in a place like this.
It’s the only time a thing like this can happen, university is starting back up again, the families have now gone and the nights are drawing darker and darker and heading into the autumn months. So everyone comes to a place like Butlin’s to relive their childhood and get away with strange and bizarre things.
We get half way to the dome and the blue power ranger decides to go for a run under the tunnel that leads to the entrance and I take off in pursuit and then it hits me, i’d been avoided it for the time I’ve been hear. The jelly legs kick in and my run towards the entrance after blue brought me down to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I skidded across the floor on my side and came to a halt on my back and feel the dreaded sting of cuts from underneath my costume as I pick myself up. I brush myself down and I notice the strange views around me. The bananas in pajamas ask me if i’m ok, power rangers ahead of me hold their guts with laughter and Mario and luigi’s watch on in horror as a black power ranger holds his arm in pain.
We finally make our way through the entrance of the dome and the sound of heavy techno music hits my ear drums and the strange and bizarre people of all shapes and sizes walk by me. Teenage mutant ninja turtles, Doctor Who’s 4 through 10, people in onesies and where’s Wally’s (or Waldo’s for the people of the American persuasion).
We fight our way through a crowd of freaks and wannabe spice girls, pushing and shoving our way by them so we can get to the bar to have a drink.
We wait in line behind a sea of people all barging their way to the front. Everyone has turned into savages, frothing at the mouth in excitement and determination to get to the front so they can get served by a lad younger than they are. Characters from my youth like batman and robin turn into the bad guys just to get a drink, it’s first come first serve and everyone wants to be first. A barbaric carnage just to get a pint or a shot and nobody gives two shits about any body around them. And we just stand at the back and watch the mayhem unfold before our eyes.
Banana 1 turns to us all and says “We might aswell go and watch B’Witched they’re on in ten minutes and there might be a line to get in”.
We all agree and we leave the line of madness and make our way to Reds just outside the dome. A separate club on the Butlin’s resort.
We walk through the doorway and to the outside and we all walk through a cloud of smoke from the 100’s of people lighting up a cigarette and we see in the near distance, only a mere ten foot away is the line for B’ Witched and it’s like the pope has arrived at the Butlin’s resort and we can’t see where the line ends it’s just mass of drunken weirdo’s lining up to see a somewhat successful girl group from the 90’s.
We join the back of the line and it’s going nowhere, drunks walk by us and groan at the thought of having to wait in line to a see a girl group that they can only really name two songs that they’ve done, but the drunkards join anyway, they’ve seen them on TV and heard the two songs and they are playing tonight, so why wouldn’t they join the never ending line of vicious pissed up freaks.
We stand behind a group of extremely loud people dressed up as Mario characters, it’s just Mario that’s missing from the ensemble. The group are singing songs by Girls Aloud, I hope they know that this isn’t the line for that particular group.
A girl dressed as a mushroom turns to us mid song and says “I’m a fun guy, get it, fun guy, fungi” and the 6 of us just look at her with a glassy stare and then she goes on to say “Hey, red ranger, your dicks too small for that costume” and red just looks at her with a closed fist and mumbles something from underneath his mask as the line slowly starts to move forward for a couple of steps.
For the next 30 minutes we wait in line with the crazies, the Mario characters go through a karaoke of pop classics from the 90’s, being joined by a red crayon and a native American, even our very own banana 1 joined in at one point to sing along, with banana 2 looking on with distress and boredom and looking for more alcohol.
We finally make it to the front of the line after waiting for over 30 minutes and we can see that B’ Witched are on stage from the TV that’s hanging in the corner “well, we’ve missed most of it because of having to wait for half hour and we had to put up with those idiots in front of us” says green ranger “weirdo’s”.
The bouncer at the door says “don’t worry lads you’ll still get to see the last 10 minutes of them” and then he lets us in and we let out a huge cheer and run up the stairs, celebrating like we just won the world cup as we to burst through the doors to watch the last ten minutes of the gig.
We run straight for the dancefloor as the group starts to play the second to last song and past a whole collection of characters, I even brush arms with a guy dressed as 80’s pro wrestler Hulk Hogan, in full red and yellow, a wig with a bald top and long blonde hair and a stick on blonde beard, he went full Hulkamania.
We find a comfortable spot on the dance floor and you can feel like floor move, it’s moving so much that it feels like it’s going to fall through, banana 2 turns to me and says “don’t worry it’s a floating floor, it won’t fall through so don’t worry”.
People jump and jig around around us and so we join in and I look at the back of the room and I can see people jumping on chairs and tables singing to “Blame it on the weatherman”.
The group say “thank you for being here with us Butlin’s, we don’t normally do unless we have a great audience, so does anyone want to hear C’est la Vie again?” and the crowd roars with excitement, jumping in the air before they even start the song and then they start to play the floor shakes like an earthquake and we jump around like madmen, Irish dancing and waving our hands in the air.
They finish the song and a huge cheer comes from us and the crowd around us and the band take a bow and leave the stage, everyone around us shouts more but the curtains close and the crowd depart the dance floor and everyone heads towards the bar.
Banana 2 says to us all “Shall we get a drink?” and we all turn around and the see the line for the bar and we all shake our heads and decide to leave the club in search of an empty bar.
After the gig we leave the Reds club and start to head towards a bar of some kind. The two songs we managed to catch has destroyed our bones, I’ve been through mosh pits, kicked in the side of the head by crowd surfers and after all that managed to walk back in the rain for an hour after seeing Slipknot and yet leaving B’ Witched after Irish dancing and clapping hands through only two songs has almost ended this power rangers ability to walk straight.
Everyone leaving the club is covered in sweat, the ones that got through the whole gig that only went on for 40 minutes look like they have just been dragged through hell, it’s nearly 1 in the morning and people look like they are about to collapse and give up, 40 somethings and 30 somethings walk around like lost children looking for the toilet, a cup of tea and a warm bed, their party days are now over and they have grown up to realise that they can’t do it anymore, now they have to except that’s it’s done.
No more dancing. No more partying. No more heavy drinking. Time to grow old gracefully and throw in the towel on the younger years, it’s over folks.
And when I look at their faces I can see the utter disappointment with themselves that age has caught up with them a lot sooner than they thought it would, that their legs and arms, their bodies just can’t keep up with people 10/20 years younger than they are. I can see it in their eyes that they know it’s over for them, it’s just a jammer dodger and cuppa tea on a Friday night with a movie that they won’t like and then talk about at work on Monday morning.
The 90’s are officially over here tonight, it’s the end of a generation of people, the end of a time and a place and an age that will go down into a small part of history and it’s ending at a B ‘Witched gig while drunk and dressed as superhero’s.
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This is fake blog and the character Ste Harris is entirely fictional and the writings in this blog are fictional. Some writes may be based around real places and real people but the stories are pieces of fiction and should not be taken literally.
As well, the views and opinions expressed in this blog by the people in them do not come from a personal or private place and should again be viewed as apart of a story.
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